I’m Not Centering Men Anymore and I’m Good With That
I’ve been single for a minute now. Not because I can’t find someone, but because I needed to find me. I needed time to face my own reflection, to deal with the mess, the silence, the healing, and the hard truths. And it took years. Real time. But I’m not ashamed of that. I’m proud of it. I needed that.
I don’t think about dating like I used to. I don’t wake up wondering where he is, when he’s coming, or what I need to do to attract him. Of course, I still want love. I still want marriage. I still believe God will send the right one when it’s time. But I’m not pressed. I’m not in a rush. I’m not sitting here thinking time is slipping away or that I need to hurry up and get chose.
I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Life is unfolding exactly how it should. God’s timing is real, and I trust that. I’m not clinging to outcomes or attaching myself to how things should look. I’m allowing life to flow. I’m surrendered to what’s meant for me, and that gives me peace. Deep peace. Every now and then I get that “dating fever”—those little moments when I imagine being wrapped up in love, planning a future with someone, having my soft life partner era. But those are just moments. They don’t run me anymore. They pass. And I return to myself.
A lot of that clarity comes from what I saw growing up.
I watched the women in my family center their entire lives around men, men who were emotionally unavailable, abusive, manipulative, or just not capable of loving them the way they deserved. I saw them give everything and still be left empty. I saw them abandon their own needs to try and hold a relationship together. And I decided that wouldn’t be me.
In my early 20s, I didn’t know how to love myself yet. I stayed in situations way too long, thinking a piece of love was better than being alone. I thought no one would ever fully choose me. I confused survival with connection. And I paid for that in pieces of myself that I had to spend years collecting again. But now? I know better. I’ve done the work. I’ve rebuilt my foundation.
I want love. I want marriage. But I want it in alignment. I want it when it’s rooted in truth, wholeness, and mutual becoming not desperation or fear. And until then, I’m not just waiting. I’m living. Fully. Joyfully. Gratefully. I’m not centering men. I’m centering me. And it feels good here.
— Becoming Herrss | Kayla Maryam ✨ 🌼