Halfway Through the Year: My Pit and My Peak

So… we’re halfway through the year. And I wanted to check in with myself. Name my pit. Name my peak. Because this year? Whew. It’s been a ride.

My Pit

My pit? Underestimating myself. Shrinking myself just to keep the room comfortable. Silencing my voice not because I didn’t have something to say, but because I was afraid of how loud it might sound to people who ain’t never seen someone like me fully step into her power.

I used to play small on purpose. I didn’t want to outshine anybody. I didn’t want to make people uncomfortable with how bright I was. Especially when I started realizing some people are intimidated by me. Not because I’m doing anything to them, just because of who I am.

That shook me. Because I’m hella nice. I’d give you the shirt off my back. I show up for people. I’m supportive. So to see folks act weird, throw shade, try to little-girl me? That hurt. And for a second it made me question myself.

But I had to get honest. I’m wise beyond my years. And when you’re in rooms with people who are older but just now getting the lessons you already walked through? That admiration can turn into jealousy real quick. It’s weird. It’s quiet. But it’s real.

My Peak

Now my peak? My peak is realizing that even when I dimmed myself, my light still showed up. Even when I tried to shrink, I still took up space. And no matter how I moved, the people committed to misunderstanding me still did. So why play small? Why hide?

I don’t care if people like me or not anymore. I’m not performing for approval. I’m not managing how I make people feel. I’m still going to be me. Fully.

But here’s the growth part. Even when I’m in rooms with people I know don’t like me, I still choose peace. Because admiration mixed with jealousy can make people poke at you just to bring you down. They want that “gotcha” moment. That, “See, you not better than nobody” energy, just to make themselves feel good.

They want you out of character. And I used to give it to them. I used to snap. But now? I’m walking away from that too. Not because I’m weak, but because I know what projection looks like. People aren’t battling me. They’re fighting wars within themselves. And there’s grief in that. So I let them have it. I let them deal with that war.

But make no mistake. Nobody can little-girl me. Not now. Not ever. I will draw the line. I will protect my peace. But I don’t owe anybody my reaction. Especially when they are looking for it just to feel powerful.

The Deeper Peak

The other day I said my biggest accomplishment is that I’m still alive. That video made me emotional because it hit me. I’m really doing this. Talking on YouTube, 1 view, 2 views, I don’t care. People are going to find this when they’re aligned. But the fact that I’m still here? That’s the real miracle.

I found my suicide letter from a while back and just sat with it. Emotional. Like look at me. Alive. Thriving. Finding peace. Becoming someone I never thought I could be.

And there’s so much pride in that. But there’s grief too. Because the little girl who wrote that letter is still here. She’s still walking. She chose to keep walking in that dark tunnel even when it was dark for years. And she kept walking and walking until the light finally peeked through. And now I’m looking around like, nahhhhhh. That’s me. That can’t be. I am her. That same little girl still here. Still breathing. Still becoming.

And if my 12-year-old self could see me now? She wouldn’t believe it. But I do. And that is my biggest peak.

Walking Into the Rest of the Year

Now that I know all this, I’m walking into the rest of 2025 with less fear and more faith. Not in what’s coming, but in who I am while it comes.