Saying No Still Feels Weird (But I’m Learning to Say It Anyway)
Lately, I’ve been realizing how weird it still feels to say no.
Not because I don’t mean it.
Not because I don’t have the right.
But because I’ve spent so much of my life saying yes, even when I didn’t want to.
I’ve been a “yes” person for as long as I can remember. I said yes out of fear. Fear of how people might react. Fear of disappointing them. Fear of being seen as mean, ungrateful, or unloving. Somewhere along the way, I picked up the message that protecting myself meant I was overreacting or being difficult. So I got good at swallowing my own needs to keep the peace.
But recently, I had a moment where I said no. A firm, honest no. And immediately, I felt that gut-level fear rush in. My body tensed up like something bad was going to happen just because I chose myself. That’s when it hit me I have a history of feeling unsafe when I try to protect myself. Especially with family. Especially with people I care about.
I’m used to being the one people can count on. The one who always shows up. The one who stretches herself thin just to make sure everyone else is okay. Even if it means I’m not. So now that I’m finally choosing to draw boundaries, it feels unnatural. It feels like I’m breaking some unspoken rule. It feels like I’m doing something wrong, even when I know I’m not.
But here’s what I’ve come to understand. My no isn’t mean. It isn’t cruel. It’s not an attack. It’s honest. And I have every right to be honest about what I can and cannot give. I don’t owe anyone an explanation for needing space, peace, or clarity.
The truth is, I’ve always had to protect myself. I’ve always been on alert. Always had to be ten steps ahead when it came to my safety, my energy, and my spirit. That kind of survival changes you. It shapes the way you love. The way you trust. The way you show up. The way you guard your peace. And that’s not something everyone will understand, especially people who only knew me before I had boundaries.
The people who used to experience me with no boundaries don’t always recognize this version of me. The version that pauses before she says yes. The version that speaks up. The version that chooses rest instead of running herself ragged. And that shift? It makes things uncomfortable. It makes me feel like I’m losing people or confusing them. But what I’ve learned is this: if I keep saying yes just to make everyone else comfortable, I’ll keep abandoning myself.
And I’m not doing that anymore.
I’m learning to honor what my body tells me. I’m learning that fear after setting a boundary doesn’t mean I messed up it just means I’m healing. I’m learning that my voice matters, even if it shakes when I use it.
Saying no still feels weird. It still makes me nervous. It still stirs up guilt sometimes. But I’m saying it anyway. Because this version of me the one with boundaries, clarity, and self-respect she’s finally learning how to be free.
And she’s worth protecting.
— Becoming Herrss | Kayla Maryam ✨ 🌼