The Tornado

There was a time in my life when I couldn’t see anything clearly. Not myself. Not my worth. Not my power. Nothing. I was in the middle of some real dark shit, and if I had to describe it, it was like being in the middle of a tornado. Like the movie Twister. That’s the only way I can explain it. I was spinning. Spiraling. Destroying everything around me without even realizing it. I was chaos. I was pain. I was hurting, and I was hurting everything I touched.

That tornado wasn’t just outside of me. It was me. I was in the center of it, and everything I loved, everything I wanted, everything that had potential to grow got ripped apart because of the storm I hadn’t faced. The storm I was becoming.

I didn’t see it at the time. That’s the scariest part. When you’re in it, you don’t realize you’re in it. You think the damage is just life being unfair. You think the people pulling away from you are just “not understanding you.” You think the failed relationships, the tension, the mess, is just the world coming at you. But no. It’s you. You’re swirling. You’re spinning out. You are the storm and you are in the storm and there’s no pause button. You’re just caught in it. Blowing shit up. Burning bridges. Breaking your own damn heart over and over again.

But then one day, I don’t even know what day it was, I pulled myself out. Maybe not all at once. Maybe it took a thousand tries. But I got out. I did the soul work. I cried in silence. I got real honest with myself. I took accountability. And I stood up, even when I was still shaking. And now?

Now I watch that tornado from the outside.

I see it. I study it. I watch how it moves. How it rips up self-worth. How it destroys relationships. How it convinces you that you’re alone when you’re not. How it lies. How it keeps spinning until you believe the storm is where you belong.

But I don’t live in that storm anymore. I know what it smells like. I know what it feels like. I know the warning signs. I know when the wind is starting to pick up. And because I’ve survived it, I know how to walk into it and come out without being torn apart again.

And that’s what this brand, this calling, this soul mission of mine is becoming.

If my brand means jumping back into the tornado to pull other women out, then so be it.

I’ll jump in. I’ll fight through your storm with you. I’ll get messy with you. I’ll hold your hand while the wind tries to rip us apart. Because I know what’s on the other side. I know the power in standing outside of your trauma and being able to look at it without being consumed by it. I know the freedom in saying, “That used to be me. But it’s not me anymore.”

I’d rather jump into your storm than watch you destroy yourself. I’d rather walk through the chaos with you than stand back and watch you burn everything down that you’re still meant to build. I don’t want to watch you battle with yourself when I know healing is possible.

Being stuck in your own tornado is hell. It’s not romantic. It’s not powerful. It’s exhausting. You lose yourself. You forget your voice. You say things you don’t mean. You settle for things that are killing you. And what no one tells you is that one tornado invites another. And then another. Pain attracts pain. Chaos attracts more chaos. Until your entire life is just one storm after the next and you forget what calm even feels like.

But I remember. And I want you to remember too.

So if you’re in the middle of your own Twister, and you don’t know which way is up, just know this. I’ve been there. I’ve been the tornado. I’ve been the wreckage. But I’ve also been the rebuild. And now I’m the woman who walks back into storms with purpose, not pain. With love, not fear.

I’m not here to watch women drown in their own shit. I’m here to walk into the fire, the storm, the trauma, and pull them out one by one. So they can stand beside me and watch that tornado from a distance, knowing they don’t ever have to live inside it again.

— Becoming Herrss | Kayla Maryam ✨ 🌼