Too Much for Small People
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I need to lower myself like I need to dim my light just a little. I know I have a big personality. I’m loud sometimes, goofy, I laugh a lot, I play too much, and I love to talk. And I’ve been thinking, Maybe I should just be less. Maybe I shouldn’t laugh so hard. Maybe I shouldn’t speak so much. Maybe I shouldn’t do too much,just so people don’t think I’m “too extra.” But to be honest? To keep it all the way real? I’ve always had a big personality. I’ve always been bubbly, full of life, full of jokes and joy. Yes, I can be serious when I need to be, but I also love being in my element. And right now, I’m more into my extrovertedness than I’ve ever been. It’s flowing out of me in ways I didn’t even expect. But lately, I keep asking myself, Do people even like this version of me?
And I’ll be real I think that question often. But I’m learning to catch myself. Because the better question is, Do I like this version of me? Do I honor her? Does this version of me reflect who I really am? Or am I compromising for the sake of being liked? Am I being everything to everybody else and nothing to myself? Because I’ve done that before, and it drained me. But when I sit with myself now, I can say yes I love this version of me. I’m honoring her. I’m not bending or breaking to fit in. I’m learning that when the answer is yes to me, then it’s okay if the answer is no to other people. Because the truth is, I might just be too much for small people. Some folks can’t take someone who’s fully themselves. And that doesn’t make me wrong. That doesn’t mean I need to shrink. It just means I might not be in the right rooms.
What I’m realizing is that I don’t let what people say or do shake me like I used to. People are gonna talk, people are gonna judge, and people are gonna move however they move. Some people are loud and bold. Some people are quiet but still carry a big presence. We’re all built differently. I’m a bubbly person. I can be introverted when I need my space because trust me, I love my alone time but when I’m in a space with people, I’m on. I show up fully. I talk, I laugh, I joke, and I bring the energy. That’s just me. I’ve always been that girl.
But every now and then, I still catch myself falling back into that mindset. That old voice telling me to dim it down, to not take up too much space, to stay small. And I have to fight that. Because for so long, I tried to be palatable. I tried to be what other people needed. I hid parts of myself just so people wouldn’t say I was “doing too much.” But here’s the thing I am a lot. And that’s not a bad thing. I’m a lot of love, a lot of laughter, a lot of light, a lot of truth. And the people meant for me will never ask me to be less. So fuck that, I’m not fitting into anyone’s box. I’m not fitting into your role, bitch. I am who I am, and I love it.
I’m staying faithful to this version of me. I’m staying committed to my growth. Because if I don’t honor myself, if I don’t choose me, then what is the point of all this? What would Becoming HERRSS even be? This whole platform is about walking in your truth, not just preaching it. I can’t be out here saying “don’t shrink, don’t settle, don’t play small” while I’m still doing that myself. That would be fake. And I’m not fake. This journey is about becoming the woman I was created to be bold, bright, and unafraid.
So if you feel like you’re too much? You’re not. You’re just not for everybody. And that’s okay. You may be too much for small people, but for the right people, you are just enough. The right people won’t be overwhelmed by you they’ll be inspired by you. They’ll feel seen by you. They’ll feel safe with your fullness. So don’t dim your light. Don’t water yourself down. Don’t second-guess your joy. Be you, fully and unapologetically. Because the right rooms will never require you to shrink. They’ll make space for you to shine.
I am who I am and that will never change !!
— Becoming Herrss | Kayla Maryam ✨ 🌼