God is Testing Me……

I’ve been hit with a situation that almost pulled me all the way out of character. Like… the kind of situation that would’ve had the old me ready to beat a bitch up, shut down, or disappear. It's wild because I could go back to the old version of me. I know her. She's familiar. But what would that get me now?

I’ve changed. I’ve grown. In just the last few months, I’ve really been stepping into myself. Actually believing in myself. Actually moving different. I’ve been practicing detachment, trusting the unknown, and doing things scared, but still doing them anyway.

But lately? Life been throwing straight curveballs. Like, “Oh you’ve been healing? You’ve been elevating? Cool... well what about this?” Like life is saying, “Let’s see how you handle this one. Or this person. Or this pain.”

It’s been back-to-back tests in the things I love, in my relationships, in my brand, even down to changing my name. And I’m sitting here like, maybe this is the test. Maybe God is preparing me for something bigger.

And truthfully… I feel it. Something’s coming. I just don’t know what. And that’s what scares me. Because the last time I felt this shift something big coming my cousin passed. That pain shook me. I was depressed for a long time. So now, every time I feel something shifting, I wonder... is it something good, or is something about to break my heart again?

I’m praying it’s good this time. Because real talk I can’t take any more loss. I can’t take any more death. All I can do is keep showing up for myself. Keep building. Keep breathing. And trust that what’s coming next is meant to grow me, not break me.

— Becoming Herrss | Kayla Maryam ✨ 🌼